3/20/25 Update: Marc Pfister on IG has graciously informed us this is called the “Hands On” saddle, and can be found on Ebay. What a time to be alive.

These marketers have gotten really good with their subversive ads…

Going to take a break from the serious deep-dives for a little fun, today.

If you, like me, thought “What in the f am I looking at” at that first picture, then you’re in the right place.

I was browsing my local FB marketplace here in the Denver metro (because I am addicted), and I happened upon something horrifyingly interesting, and I wanted to share it with you folks.

We’re looking at a bike seat of your nightmares – or dreams – depending on how you roll. I won’t judge you. With tentacled fingers to support every pedal stroke, this may be the most unique piece of cycle-art I’ve ever seen. And I really appreciate the sellers description, very succinct. You don’t need any more words than that. My only question would be — “How used?”

So, how does this tie into WheelBased? Why am I writing about it? Because there’s a patent number on the bottom of it…

Yup, this is a granted design patent, filed in 1997 by a dude from Loveland, Colorado. You can check it out here. It is expired, so don’t be afraid if you’re also designing a palm-shaped-bike-seat. I know that’s a hot design right now.

Not only did this guy patent the design, he made at least one sample.

I don’t know if I love it or hate it, but it exists and it can be yours for $28.

I’m going to buy it. I’ll update if I get my… hands… on it. I’m going to try to get someone to race this thing. Hell, I might race it. I’m doing the Double Up at Winter Park in June, that might be a perfect time to break it out.

Normalcy will return shortly. I’m currently working on another very-interesting report that should be ready in the next few days. I’m excited about it.